Part 2: God is Love — More Agape Love
As I wrote in the previous post (Part 1: God is Love — Agape Love) God is agape love and He agapaos us. That means it is a love based on His will and determination that each of us has intrinsic value and worth to Him. God’s agape love for us does not depend on our behavior or performance — it arises out of His essential nature, which is love. Hallelujah!
But what about our love for God? We are called to love Him with agapao love also. What does that look like? First off, we begin loving God because of His great worth and value. We choose, we will ourselves to practice this love toward God, although I am sure we are ‘helped’ by the Spirit that dwells in the Kingdom man or woman’s heart. Our love for God is not dependent on His behavior. He might or might not heal us. He might or might not restore a relationship. He might or might not answer a specific prayer (at least not right away). We still agapao God because our love for Him is not based on His ‘performance’. It is based on our decision, our will, our choice. It is unconditional – we love God because He is worthy of our love. And we find our value in God because He finds us intrinsically worthy of His love. We love God because He first loved us.
Our flesh constantly tries to convince us that we are not loved by God. For many of us, our decision to agapao God is made in opposition to our feelings generated by the voice of the accuser — “you are not good enough”. As I said before, agape love for God and others is an act of will, not of feelings or emotion.
How do I enter God’s agape love for me? No one comes to the Father except through Jesus — He is the door. But Jesus has told us that we must be born again. This involves repentance and faith – we have a role to play. We cannot earn His agape love – it is not based on our behavior. But to enter into this love – really to enter into the Kingdom of God and receive the Father’s love – we must repent and believe. And even then God stands ready to help us. Apart from life in His Kingdom, His Spirit will not live in us. And, of course, without His Spirit I cannot agapao any one, including myself.
Agape love, God’s agape love streaming into me from Him or His love flowing out of me because His Spirit lives in me, never fails. Apart from His Spirit in me, I would be hard pressed to love some of the people God puts in my path. But if His Spirit lives in me it is possible; difficult, but possible. Would God, who is love, call me to love someone I dislike if it was not possible? Over time, as I get to know them, I might begin to see their value and worth in a new light. Then loving them becomes easier. It might even come to involve affection, but I can still love them as an act of my will. Even affection begins with a decision — “I will love them”.
Ok, enough theory. What does agape/agapao love look like. How will I know if I am loving this way? And why should I love this way anyhow? It seems like a lot of work. The latter question first. 1 Corinthians 13: 1–8 is the gold-standard description of agape/agapao love. The first two verses of the passage contain these immortal, powerful, and scary (at least to me) words:
“If I can speak in the tongues of men and even of angels, but have not love (agape) – that reasoning, intentional, spiritual devotion such as is inspired by God’s love for and in us – I am only a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers – the gift of interpreting the Divine will and purpose – and understand all the secret truths and mysteries and possess all knowledge, and if I have sufficient faith so that I can remove mountains, but have not love (agape) – God’s love (agape) in me – I am nothing, a useless nobody” (1 Corinthians 13: 1, 2 AMP).
Obviously, agape/agapao love for the Christian is important! Without it, Paul says we are “nothing, a useless nobody”. Really, a useless nobody? This is one of a number of passages of Scripture in the Gospels that shakes me up. Some others include the ‘sheep and goats’, “you say Lord, Lord . . . but I never knew you so I cast you into outer darkness” and others. Too often we pass over them — they are too disturbing. Everything Jesus teaches, including the Kingdom of God, repentance, eternal life, the indwelling Holy Spirit, and healing and wholeness, as it applies to me, is connected to my ability to agapao believers and unbelievers around me, and of course, God. It is not something we do for some and not others. We are called to this way of life in the world.
I know that I can’t wake up one morning and begin to agapao everyone. First, I must be a Kingdom man, living in the Kingdom of God. Second, as a Kingdom man, I must have the indwelling Holy Spirit. That is God’s love in me. Finally, my ability to love this way will mature as I grow deeper in Christ, becoming more like Him. It is an evolution, a process linked very closely, maybe even synonymously, with sanctification. Learning to love with agape love is what it means to “work out your salvation with fear and trembling”. I believe that Paul is saying “if you can’t agapao others, even to a limited extent, because you are not living in the Kingdom of God, you are a ‘nobody'”. Still, hard words to hear.
Paul goes on to describe agape/agapao love in 1 Corinthians 13: 3 – 8. It is patient, kind, not jealous of other’s accomplishments, it is not boastful, proud, rude, or self-seeking. It does not expect anything in return. It is not easily offended or angered. It does not keep a record of wrongs, but forgives. This kind of love helps out, shows up, supports, encourages, serves, and does not covet, or condemn. It never puts ‘me first’, doesn’t keep score, doesn’t force itself on others. “Love (agape) never fails” (1 Corinthians 13: 8 NIV).
If we find ourselves being jealous of the other’s successes, if we begin to gossip or spread malicious rumors about the other, if we are impatient, rude, boasting about ourselves at the expense of the other, angry, unforgiving, or annoyed by their words or practices we can will ourselves (remember, it is not about emotion) to stop thinking in these ways, repent, and ask God to put us back on the right way. The choice to love this way is up to us, it has nothing to do with the behavior or performance of the other. That is agape/agapao love! Is it easy to live this way? No!! Is it possible to live this way? Yes, but only in the power of God (as we live in the Kingdom of God through His covenant with us). It is Kingdom love, and it takes practice.
Here is a quote from the e-book I referenced in the previous post:
“If we decide that a person has intrinsic worth separate from any behavior, we can practice agapao towards them at any time. We can develop a genuine respect for each person – even if they do not have it toward their own self. . . We will treat them as valuable because we perceive this intrinsic worth in them. That is how we apagao our enemies. Tuff stuff, but with God’s assistance, we can look past their behaviors and operate in respect for them. This is the essence of agapao. That is why it never fails” (pg. 19).
I don’t know about you, but this insight into the source of agape love – my will, not my emotion and not about feelings for or even knowledge of the other person – has started to change how I relate to everyone from my family members to the total stranger. The other day I flew from New York to Florida. While I was in the Charlotte and Orlando airports I found myself thinking about the people around me in new ways. I was less stressed, more patient and charitable, less critical, more willing to see each of them as valuable. I was not offended when someone rushed past me and knocked into me with their luggage. In fact, my offendableness was low. I was even calm waiting to board each plane. I think I began to understand 1 Corinthians 13 in a new way. Maybe I understood it for the first time.
When I got home I found that my next door neighbor had trimmed some bushes on my property. I wanted to go to him and say “why didn’t you ask my permission”? I was really annoyed. Then I remembered that I am supposed to agapao him. I was being covetous, selfish, and possessive. So what if he cut my bushes (the property line in that part of the yard is not very clear). I repented of my fleshly response and asked God to set me free from my anger. He did, but it took about 24 hours. Such a small thing; think about how hard it is for us to agapao someone who really harms us.
The world believes that love is first an emotion, a warm feeling of wanting the other and being wanted. This type of love is rarely associated with an act of my will and hardly ever divorced from the ‘loved’ ones behavior. Christians should seriously evaluate how we love others around us. The world’s type of love is another form of bondage to, well — Satan. Agape love is the way of freedom that permits us to fully love another independently of whether that love is returned or not. I discuss this freedom in the next post.
In agape (I know, it sounds weird) with Jesus,
John