Who Are We: Part 4 — I Had to Choose Life or Death; Blessings or Curses. I Chose Life.

I am a perfect example of someone who was blind; who had no idea that there was an alternative to my dark, selfish life in the kingdom of the world. So here is the abridged version of how, in just a few seconds, I became a follower of Jesus.

Christ sought me when I was living fully in the darkness of the kingdom of the world, and at least outwardly, living a life with all the comforts of the world that I needed. But, I was not satisfied — I didn’t know about the victim spirit, but it was growing in my heart. Although I knew about God, I was not a follower of Jesus. In fact, I was the opposite – not quite a hater of Jesus but at least a scoffer. Then just before Christmas 25 years ago Jesus broke into my life. In hindsight I saw He was always just below the surface. Although there is more to my story it is enough to say here that Jesus came to me in a dream. Here is what I saw:

In my dream I was standing in a long room, almost like a wide corridor. There were no windows or doors along the sides of the room. The walls were painted an institutional green, like the walls in my elementary school. There was no obvious lighting, but the room was not totally dark – it was darkish. It was not too hot, not too cold; it was not too light or too dark. It was average but it felt safe. I did not feel joy or hope. There was life there, but it was subdued and kind of empty. I was alone.

Then I sensed a Presence in the room. This Presence told me I could live in this space for the rest of my life – and I knew He meant for eternity, but beginning now. He told me I would be safe here – no outside forces would be able to attack me. I did not know at the time, but I do now, that this place was the kingdom of the world and it was where I was currently living. In Scripture Jesus calls it “the outer darkness” – no lake of burning fire, but a place of isolation and separation.

I was about to say OK to this offer when I looked at the end of the long room. At that end of the room there was a door – it seemed like a mile away. A big heavy wooden door with large black cast iron hinges. Set into the door was a small window and through that window was beaming a shaft of light. I hadn’t noticed it before.

I walked toward the window and the light. When I got to the window I looked through it to the other side. I saw a room – rectangular as I recall – and more that 4 stories high, which would make it about 40 or 50 feet (about 15 meters) high. The walls were white and the floor was highly polished wood, gleaming in the light. Suspended from the ceiling were crystal chandeliers, each filling the room with bright, white light. What a contrast to the other, dark room. It wasn’t just that I realized for the first time that there was another ‘way’ to live. It was that, but it was also that this ‘other way’ was so much more wonderful.

As I stood looking into the brilliantly lit room, which I now know represented the Kingdom of God, Jesus (I knew it was Him) asked me if I would like to enter into that room, live there, and leave the other behind. I said, “Yes I would, but I can’t because I do not believe”. I lacked faith. He surprised me and said, “That is OK. I honor your integrity, but don’t worry about belief. I’ll give you all the faith you’ll need. You have my permission to go in.”

I remember an overwhelming sense of joy then. I was going to leave the old behind and step into the new. It was not a difficult decision now that I knew there was a choice and that I was invited by Jesus to enter. But I had to choose! I knew in my heart that I could have said “no”. Not for one second did I feel condemnation. The door opened. I walked in. And then I woke up.

My wife and my children have testified that (at least my daughter who was old enough to know what was going on) from that moment I was a different man. Not perfect, of course, but a much better husband, father, and friend. And of course, follower of Jesus. My life was radically changed in that moment when I walked through the door. I now know, I was ‘born again’ and I have lived, although not perfectly by far, in the Kingdom of God since then. I fell asleep an atheist, or something like that, and I woke up a follower of Jesus.

Throughout the dream Jesus was gentle and kind. There was no sense of condemnation. In fact, there was a welcoming spirit. Where was the wrath? I now know that the dark room was a place of separation from God. If I lived there, I would be living in exile, alone, and isolated. Loneliness would be my constant companion — even when surrounded by people in this life. I would live in darkness for eternity – apart from God because in Him there is no darkness. That was the wrath of God! Jesus tells us that He is the light of the world. That was the light I saw through the window at the end of the corridor. In that room I would live with Him and in Him – for eternity. I would be the opposite of lonely – I would be loved. Hallelujah!

There is one more dynamic to my choice to enter the Kingdom of God, manifested by my changed behavior, which reflected a changed or transformed heart. I repented of my former life. I repented of looking for my value and acceptance in the kingdom of the world, and became a man who sought his value in surrendering to, serving, and loving Jesus — although as I said, not perfectly; but getting better and better. He became my value and in His love for me I found perfect acceptance. I mean His acceptance was perfect, my acceptance of His acceptance of me had a long way to go, but I was moving in the right direction under the influence of His Spirit.

This true story is similar to many other testimonies I have heard of people who have left life in the kingdom of the world. For most of them that world was really dark. They chose life in the Kingdom of God after crying out to Jesus. They cried words like “Jesus if you are real, you had better show up now” or “Jesus, have mercy on me”, or simply “help” or “Jesus” (and not as a an expletive). Most of the testimonies I heard did not include dreams, but many had visions, a strong sense of His presence, hearing His voice, a strange leading they could not ignore, or some other type of sign or wonder. I have heard some say they can’t remember a day when they didn’t know the reality and presence of Jesus. In most cases, Jesus showed them a better way, a way they could not imagine existed before He showed up. Once confronted with His way compared to theirs, they choose Jesus and His Kingdom.

Jesus desires all to be saved, so in some way I guess He shows up at one time or another in everyone’s life. Maybe you are the way He will show up for someone you know,  or maybe even a stranger. But humans have the freedom to say “no” to the Kingdom and many do. We can choose. Jesus calls us to “seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness”. He commands us to seek, because He knows we can choose not to seek.

George Eldon Ladd puts it this way in his excellent book ‘The Gospel of the Kingdom of God – Popular Expositions on the Kingdom of God’:

“The mystery of the Kingdom is this: The Kingdom of God has come, but it is not like a stone grinding an image to powder. . . On the contrary, it is like a man sowing seed. It does not force itself upon men . . . But precisely this is the mystery of the Kingdom. The Kingdom is here, but it can be rejected. . . . God’s Kingdom is working among men, but God will not compel them to bow before it. They must receive it; the response must come from a willing heart and a submissive will. God is still dealing with us in this way. God will not drive you into the Kingdom. . . . We implore men to open their hearts that the Word of His Kingdom may have its fruitage in their lives. But man can reject it. They can spurn the Gospel of the Kingdom. They can scorn the preacher of the word; and he is helpless” (pgs. 56, 57).

Mankind has the freedom to accept life in the Kingdom of God and enter willingly or to reject the Kingdom of God and continue to live in the Kingdom of the world. As I have said before, this decision is the definition of repentance. If I make this decision — a solemn, serious choice — the work of redemption and restoration will be done by the Holy Spirit, not by me. And as I see it, repentance has two parts: my choice and then God’s supernatural work to help me turn away from the former life or former behavior. Repent and be redeemed and restored! Although, apart from the Kingdom we are anti-God, we still carry within us the capacity to know Him – as Paul says we are all without excuse. In the long run, we are all going to be held accountable for our words, deeds, and decisions while on earth. The person living in the kingdom of the world will be judged: “It is a fearful, formidable and terrible thing to incur the divine penalties and be cast into the hands of the living God” (Hebrews 10: 31 AMP).

Does that truth from God’s word stir your heart? Today you might be standing next to a ‘good’ person who is going to spend eternity in hell, and you have been given the knowledge of salvation — and ‘saved’ is not just in some distant future, but right now. Set free, healed, and made whole. Yikes! Think about that!!

In the next post I will wrap up this discussion of how God’s holiness demands God’s wrath directed against the forces and powers of evil and against humans who sin against God and His creation. And I made an incredible discovery about the verse: Esau I have hated, Jacob I have loved. What? Can God who is love hate?

When we deny the wrath of God, we demean and deny the holiness of God. Where there is no sin, there is no wrath. But there is also good news. That good news is revealed in the strangest place – a place of judgment, condemnation, and horrible punishment. A place of wrath – the cross. And at the risk of stating the obvious, a place that you and I deserved to hang, but by the greatest miracle of all miracles,  we were replaced by God Himself.

Peace,

John