Have You Lost Your Mind? I Can’t Love Like That!
I just finished writing 6 posts about agape and philos love. Here is what I learned: love is mysterious and beyond knowledge. The purpose of each Christian is to love as Christ commanded us to love – this is what I mean when I write that my purpose is “to release the Kingdom of God into the kingdom of the world”. I cannot do this in my power. I can only agapao and phileo God, others, and myself through the power of the indwelling Holy Spirit. It has to be done through Christ in me. This requires that I choose to live in the Kingdom of God and that Jesus heals me in the deepest parts of my heart. Too often I hear and listen to the voice that tells me “you are not good enough”. I am good enough. I know this because of the agape love God has for me. This love is rooted in His decision to see intrinsic value in me. His love for me and for all of us is defined and exhibited at the cross – the cross cries out to me “You are valuable. I cherish you”. To live in the Kingdom of God is daily to receive the love of the Father and it means to live a repentant life of obedience and intimacy with Jesus. In this way I have a chance to love as He has commanded me to love – not just myself, my family, my friends, but the world – strangers and even enemies. In this way, my life glorifies Him. But still, it is difficult and I will do it imperfectly. That’s ok. The point is not to be perfect because it is not me. The point is to be available so Christ can do it through me.
That’s the summary. Not too deep, but deeper than I have ever gone before. What follows is an elaboration on these ideas.
The theory of this love is difficult; the practice seems impossible. I have heard the words all my life: Love God with all your heart, all your soul, all your strength, and your entire mind; love your neighbor, love your enemy, love yourself. I used to think the easiest part of that is to love myself. That comes naturally, I thought.
Yes, the love of self is in the DNA of humanity. But, wait a minute. That is not the kind of love Jesus is commanding me to have for myself, let alone others. He is talking about a self-giving love, not a selfish love. Jesus calls us to give up our life, sometimes literally, for another. That way of loving is not natural – the world calls it weak. Somewhere in Scripture Jesus tells me that it is easy to love those who love me — but even that is not easy for most of us. At least the way Jesus is calling us to love. He is telling us we need to love those who hate us as if they are our best friends. Sorry, Jesus. But that is crazy! More than crazy. It is impossible. Right?
The world is an angry, violent place. It seems particularly angry and violent right now. I know that it is also a place of peace and love (Jesus’ kind of love), it is not all dark. Still, there is a global wave of anger breaking over all of us. I see the world through the privileged, somewhat insular lens of an American. In my country today, we have been plunged into the insanity of this American Presidential election, at a time when the number of people who feel devalued by “the system” are at an all-time high. The manifestation of devaluing is anger, bitterness, resentment, and violence, even hatred – which, I’ll admit, plays well on TV. When a person is devalued, when they feel worthless and expendable, they look for their value in the things of the world, they grasp for the sense of belonging that is, the world tells them, is the antidote for this sense of shame, guilt, and meaningless that comes from deep, personal, and persistent devaluing. They find that meaning in their race, their history, their way of life, their tribe; they cry out for the things they don’t have as if having them will somehow wash away the hurt and the pain of devaluing. But they won’t.
I wrote that I see the world through the lense of Americanism. It is true. I am a product of this culture. But if that is all I am, then Christ’s death for me has not yet become personal. Ultimately, my culture is not America — my culture is Jesus and His culture transcends nations, race, education, economics, language, and every other aspect of human culture. No culture is best, no country is best (although some are worse than others), and no race is best. The only thing that is best — above all — is Jesus. And Jesus is love.
Oh, but the Devil is a dirty dog — manipulative, deceptive, and infinitely devious. He can dress up a pig and make it look like a supermodel. The world has a corrupted view of love — Satan has told us that love is all about finding your value in something, someone, or some place. And we are quick to buy into that lie because is resonates with us — our spiritual default setting, our spiritual DNA is set to receive that message. Link arms with like-minded people, join the revolution, “become one of us, you are accepted and “loved”, and together we will fight for what is rightfully ours, for the thing that will give us the value we deserve. After all, we have been pushed down, pushed aside, and pushed away too long”. Everyone buys into this story line, even Evangelicals. The deception is that, with the exception of one person nothing the world has to offer will give us back the value that Satan stole from us. No success on the battlefield, in the ballot box, the boardroom, or anywhere else will give us the value we desperately seek. The only ‘thing’ is the love of Jesus, because embedded in that love are two truths: the supernatural message “you are valuable to me, you are worth the death of my Son”, and His supernatural power can heal my heart.
The devaluing of the world is not an external thing — it is buried deep in the heart of each human being. The hurt and the pain can be medicated with drugs and alcohol, it can be assuaged with violence and anger, and it can be propitiated with power, wealth, fame, sex, and glory. But, in truth they will never touch the hurt and the pain, the rejection, the loneliness, and the fear — these emotions are deeply personal. Something radical, not of the world, is needed. God, in His great mercy and compassion, His lovingkindness, His Hesed, has provided that to us. It is the transforming, healing power of His love expressed unmistakably, undeniably in the death of His Son on the cross. The power of His love flowing into our hearts is more that a feeling or an emotion. His love has the supernatural power embedded in it to sooth, soften, and heal the hurt, the pain, the wounds of devaluing and to bring into our hearts new life; really, to make us a new person. The memories are still there, but their power to rip away our joy and peace, to light up our anger and resentment like an afterburner on a jet plane, has been stripped away.
Who else does this? What other god offers us this tremendous gift? What other god tells us about and then demonstrates this kind of power, this kind of love? And not only demonstrates it in the most graphic, gritty, and real way, but then dwells within us to make it possible for this love to take over our hearts and our minds. No other god, except the Triune God we call Jehovah. There is no other antidote to the anger, violence, fear, and pain caused by devaluing and dehumanization other than Jesus. The world offers a thousand ways — including finding your value by doing to others what they have done to you, or you perceive they have done to you even if they haven’t — to find value, but even if you successfully vanquish ‘them’, often in the name of justice, you will never find the peace you desperately need in those deep, internal places. That will only be found in Jesus and His transforming love. I believe that. I really do. In fact, that has been the story of my life over the past 30 or so years. But here is the hardest part. That love — the love of Jesus — is not just how He loves me. It is also how I am called by Him to love others. What? I AM NOT JESUS. I WILL NEVER BE JESUS. How can I love with agape and philos love? (Right now I hear God speaking to me. He is telling me: “John, calm down”). Ok God, but still it seems to me that you are asking me to do something that is impossible.” And God is saying “very difficult, but not impossible”. “No God, not very difficult . . . very, very, very difficult.”
Loving with agapao and phileo is as difficult as the entire Christian life – because loving this way is the entire Christian life. It is as difficult as denying myself, picking up my cross, and following Jesus. It is a difficult as living humbly, putting other’s needs ahead of my own, of daily and truly repenting, of praying continually, living obediently, of setting aside what the world says is right and adopting as truth what Jesus in His word tells me is true. It is as difficult as getting up at 4:00 AM to pray for an hour before the sun rises, as laying aside video games, obsessive TV watching, pornography, as turning away from the refrigerator knowing that I am not hungry, and from pointless things that I spend hours doing during the week that take me away from Him. Not easy. But impossible? No. I can do that with His help, one step at a time. It is as difficult as spending time reading His word, and maybe going deeper into His word with some study and reflection, maybe even some Christian meditation, like the Psalms encourage me to do. It is as difficult as choosing each day to live with Christ in the Kingdom of God, loving the world, but refusing to find my value in the Kingdom of the world. It is called sanctification and it is about holiness.
But this is part of the difficulty – you can’t release into the world what you don’t carry around in your own heart. You cannot agapao the world if you are not yourself filled with the Father’s love. And you won’t be filled with the Father’s love if you have not chosen – and the Bible tells us we must choose – Him to be first in our lives. Repent and believe – both together. I won’t be filled with the Father’s love either if my heart is filled with hurt and pain. This is the reason Jesus told us “The Spirit of the Sovereign Lord is on me, because the Lord has anointed me to preach the gospel to the poor. He has sent me to heal the broken hearted” (Isaiah 61: 1). As I walk with Him, He will heal me emotionally and spiritually, if not physically.
I will not wake up one day and begin to love the world and all that is in it as Jesus commands just because I ‘believe’ in Jesus. Even the demons do that! I must commit to this love, I must choose Him, and I must work to love this way. Don’t believe the religious people who tell you that you don’t have a choice. If you just wait around for God to ‘give’ you this love, it will never happen. You must participate, you must choose, and you must work at it. “Work out your salvation with fear and trembling” (Philippians 2: 12 NIV). But, and this is a big ‘but’, we can’t do it on our own. And we don’t have to. “For it is God who works in you to will and to act according to His good purpose” (Philippians 2: 13 NIV). And what is His good purpose? For us to agapao and even phileo Him, others, and ourselves! That is His purpose. It all comes down to that! I say it another way: “Our ultimate purpose is to release the Kingdom of God into the kingdom of the world”. We are called, commanded really, to be Jesus to a dark, hurting world of devaluing and pain not, in the final analysis, by preaching, teaching, or even by just serving – but by loving in His way, in His name, and in His power, the inestimable power of the Holy Spirit. Apart from that, we can do nothing, or at least nothing of eternal significance.
One more thing. We, you and I, (well, at least me) will be always be imperfect lovers. Two steps forward and one step back; hopefully not two steps forward and three steps back. That’s ok. I don’t have to be perfect – it is Him in me that loves. All I have to do is show up. I think that the other purpose of life, besides releasing the Kingdom, is to teach us to love others as Christ loved us. As a wise person said – “it is not the destination, it is the journey”. This is a cliché, but it is also the truth. Or put another way “it is not about being, it is about becoming”. If we take this journey of learning to love arm-in-arm with Jesus – you know He calls you friend – it can be the most rewarding, fulfilling, exciting, joyful journey of a lifetime. And somewhere along this journey you will understand for yourself the depth of His love for you. You will come to know, deep in your heart, that you are valuable, beautiful, and precious in His sight. You will come to know for yourself the meaning of philos – you are cherished – His treasured possession. And when you do, you will be set free from the bondage to death, you will be on the road to becoming the person He created you to be – all by giving up the right to yourself. Jesus said it this way:
“Instead, whoever wants to become great among you must be your servant, and whoever wants to be first must be the slave of all. For even the Son of Man did not come to be served, but to serve, and to give His life as a ransom for many” (Mark 10: 43 – 45 NIV).
Jesus is, of course, speaking about agapao and phileo – His love. Not the way the world loves. That love is a corruption of His gift to us. When we hear people sing, “What the world needs now is love, sweet love” do they really know what they are singing? Do they really know the type of love the world needs? And are they really willing to love that way? Well, they might not know, but we do. And He needs the world to know us – Christians – by our love, because by loving them they will come to see Jesus. They will see Him in us by our love, our agapao and phileo, for them. And He, in all His perfection and beauty will receive the praise, the honor, and the glory. Hallelujah!!
Grace and peace,
John